Dougtionary

nān’ō-plē’jĭk

noun

A person who is suffering from complete lack of function of their iPod nano.

hä’ kə-pěl’ə

adjective

Humorous and sung without musical accompaniment.

brĭz’əl

noun

An idea that initially sounds brilliant, but quickly fizzles, much like when you turn on a light and it lights up for a second and then pops, instantaneously burning out.

brä mĭts’və

noun

A celebration signifying when a Jewish boy successfully removes a woman’s undergarments for the first time.

hŭm’ûr’gə-nŏm’ĭks

noun

The applied science of technique to reduce fatigue, strain and repetitive stress injuries from oral sex.

( Happy Labor Day! )

nĭn’jə-nōō’ĭ-tē

noun

A skill or cleverness in devising new ways to attack others or defend oneself.

hām’bĭ-děk’strəs

adjective

The ability or tendency to eat pork products with both hands.

jôn dĭs

name

A yellow skinned guy that has a bile problem.

dĭ-shŭv’əld

adjective

Being in disarray due to being hit in the head with a device used for digging.

ĭd’ē-ŏl’ə-jē

noun

The science dealing with the study of foolish people. (Although one could argue that you wouldn’t learn much.)

kā’pər tôs

noun

A Mediterranean challenge that evolved from a mispronunciation of the Highland Games event, the “Caber Toss,” but instead of tossing a large log, one flicks a caper berry, and the player who sends the caper the furthest is the winner. This game is most often played at the dinner table, and it is an important part of the Polenta Games.

kāsh-ē’mē-ə

noun

A financial disorder identified by individuals who blow their money on possessions and spontaneous purchases of unnecessary items rather than pre-meditated spending, solid financial planning and building net worth.

A financial disorder seen in those who make a lot of cash in spurts, such as a commissioned sales job, and then spend it just as quick as it comes in, much like a bulimic ingests and then purges food.

Cashimics often spend outside of their means and rack up large amounts of debt, putting themselves on a path to financial ruin.

sěk’ənd sāt’ər-dā’

noun

A Sunday that gets treated like a Saturday, often with a lot of partying and high consumption of alcohol, which often results in calling out sick on Monday (a.k.a. “Second Sunday”).

māk’rə-mō’nē

noun

The state of being devoted to Macintosh products and never cheating (as in buying or using a windows pc).

ə-měr’ĭ-kən pā’sō

noun

A dollar bill, American currency which isn’t worth very much these days.

kŭn’ə-rĭng’gəs

noun

Oral sex with an Asian.

hām’yə-nĭsh’ən

noun

Officially refers to pork used as a weapon, but in common usage it can mean any food thrown in a food fight, used for self defense or used in an assault.

hām’ō

noun

Short for “hammunition”.

hĭp’ō-thět’ĭ-kəl

adjective

An assumption related to a large herbivorous four-legged mammal that lives in or around African rivers.

trāf’ĭk vŭl’chər

noun

A driver who hovers in your blind spot or on your bumper, looking for a hole in traffic, frequently weaves between lanes and often uses right or left turn lanes, shoulders and center lanes for passing.

flāsh-nou

noun

A vision, similar to moving forward or backwards in time, except that the flash vision is exactly what you are seeing or doing right now.

For example: A “flashnow” at this very moment, is you reading this definition posted in my blog.

pět’ə-mĭz’əm

noun

Negative or gloomy views about domestic pets, such as “The dog, will probably get run over by a car,” or “Why did we buy a pet, it will eventually die anyway.”

krāk-tŏl’ə-jĭst

noun

One who assists drug mules who swallow condoms full of crack to smuggle across borders, by either preparing or retrieving the drugs.

rāk’smĭth’

noun

A talented plastic surgeon who specializes in breast implants.

nō’dŭk-tĭv’ĭ-tē

noun

The quality often seen in electronics, especially computers, blackberries and other gadgets that sideline one’s daily plan or “to-do” list because of problems and extensive troubleshooting, killing tons of time and causing great anguish and frustration, rather than making the individual more efficient.

(Most devices running Windows operating system cause severe noductivity.)

An activity that zaps tons of time, such as browsing videos on YouTube.

** Note: This is definition #300. I’m entering the final stretch!

kəm-pāsh’ən

noun

A deep feeling of sympathy and sorrow for someone who should have been swallowed instead of conceived.

nět wûrth’kwāk’

noun

The shakeup of personal finance due to events such as the housing market collapse, the devaluation of the dollar, and the general ineptness of the bush administration.

pyōō-bŏn’ĭk plāg

noun

A contagious, sometimes fatal disease that causes one to frequently touch themselves.

yŏn’kŭm’ĭng trāf’ĭk

noun

A car heading towards you that swerves into your lane due to fatigue.

pē’nĭ-lĭt’ər-ĭt

adjective

Unable to write one’s name in the snow while urinating.