Dougtionary

ˈker-ət ˈle-giŋ

verb

A competition that involves stuffing one’s pants with numerous long pointed orange vegetables.

This activity is the vegan version of Ferret Legging.

ˈgōt ˈchek

noun

A service provided at events where one can safely leave their Capra hircus or other sheep-like animals.

ˈyaŋ-ō-vər

noun

Having the symptoms, often including headaches and or queasiness, due to a deficiency or imbalance of yin.

ˈpə-pē -bȯrdˈiŋ

noun

An interrogation technique in which two or more small dogs lick the target’s mouth and nose so vigorously that it is difficult to breath and often causes one to give up state secrets they didn’t even know they possessed.

fěl’ən-tīnz’ dā

noun

A holiday that is celebrated by giving candy and exchanging greeting cards with convicts.

sāk rĭ-lĭj’əs

Noun

The practice of worshiping nads.

ās rěk’əg-nĭsh’ən

noun

A feature in Cadillac cars that identifies one’s butt and automatically adjusts the seats and mirrors to one’s presets.

də-brē’-lŭng’kĭng

verb

Using climbing gear to navigate through the neighborhood after a storm leaves tree branches, logs and trash scattered all over the neighborhood.

strēt kə-nōō’ĭng

verb

Paddling a boat down the street after a ginormous rainstorm floods the neighborhood.

ôr-gān’ĭk cär’dn

noun

Something that grows inside one’s car, usually from not cleaning it for long periods of time or from leaving food in it while parked in a sunny spot.

fāktĭsh

adjective

Characterized as truth when it really is not.

Often used by politicians or television shows that pretend to be news.

fō-kā’shən

A fake occupation, often used in conversation to impress a total stranger.

brĭ-sěsh’ən

noun

A severe economic decline where rich people can no longer afford to buy gourmet cheeses.

ē’māl’ slŭsh

noun

Crud that clogs up your inbox and can make it difficult to find legitimate messages from friends or colleagues.

bī-fär’tĭ-zən

noun

A condition or situation where both political parties are doing nothing but emitting gas.

ōm’ə-lĭt

noun

A breakfast egg dish that has electrical resistance.

kī’āk’əl

noun

An extremely humorous canoey type water sport that causes a shrill laughter.

rō’mə-tōs’

noun

An unconscious tomato.

brō-hāb’ĭ-tā’shən

noun

Sharing a room, such as a dorm room, with a close friend.

ĭn’tər-ĭm-jŏb

noun

A temporary or provisional arrangement for gratification.

klŏk’ər spān’yəl

noun

A dog that can tell time.

kou’ə-blāng’kə

noun

The barnyard version of the Bogart classic.

ĭn’frôg-nē’tō

noun

The state of being disguised as Kermit.

brē-lŭng’kər

noun

A person who explores cheese chiefly as a hobby.

sō’shəl āl’kə-hô’lĭk

noun

One who only drinks excessively in the company of friends.

fŏnt spŏn’tə-nē’ĭ-tē

noun

An impulsive use of varying typefaces.

də-brē’-lôgd

adjective

Surrounded by or saturated with debris, often from runoff of a huge rainstorm.

mŭd wô’tər-lôg’d

adjective

Surrounded by or saturated with mud from landslides or rainstorm runoff.

jāk’tə-vĭz’əm

noun

Fake activism.

Tweeting or joining Facebook groups but not doing jack shit to really help or further the cause or issue.

sě-rān’dĭp-ĭ-tē

noun

Good fortune with plastic wrap.